and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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