there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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