The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize