Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize