If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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