He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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