Me. At least after what I've been through.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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