I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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