you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize