So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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