I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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