he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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