I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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