Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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