almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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