Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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