i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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