I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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