Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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