Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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