'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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