somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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