mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i now understand why vodka
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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