You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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