Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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