she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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