the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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