I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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