I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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