What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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