I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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