so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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