I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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