I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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