We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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