Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize