It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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