We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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