My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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