I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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