I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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