You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize