i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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