And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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