Are we in a gay sports bar?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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