my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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