Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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