is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
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