Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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