I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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